You Are NOT an Old Shoe!

(Overcoming Feelings of Rejection)

Have you ever felt like you who you are, isn’t good enough for anyone? Are you tired of relationships that don’t work and leave you feeling lost and confused? Are you feeling used, and now forgotten…like a dirty, broken shoe?

images We have all been rejected at some point in our lives, and it doesn’t feel good. Sometimes we don’t know why, which feels even worse, but it’s not a death sentence. We don’t qualify for every job, or relationship, or opportunity, that’s the reality of life, and that is why there is so much out there. There is something or someone right for you too.  On the other hand, there are a lot of broken people in the world; a lot of people carrying around past hurts and disappointments using rejection as a way to feel more powerful and be more popular, or get farther ahead etc.  Don’t lose yourself caring about someone who doesn’t mind losing you, or something never meant for you.

Healing can happen if you let it. It doesn’t come the day you decide you want a divorce. It doesn’t come the minute you find out you didn’t get the job. Rejection is one of the worst feelings of the human experience. Over time, fMRI studies have shown that the areas of the brain that become activated when we experience rejection, are the same areas activated when we experience physical pain. This is why rejection hurts our feelings so much. We are actually experiencing pain! [Psychology Today]   Many people don’t move on for a year or two – or more if ever –  after a divorce. Applying to jobs after six rejections letters doesn’t happen the same day. No one wants to be the one the one that wasn’t chosen. No one wants to be the shoe tossed in the corner unnoticed and unwanted. Rejection is not the end of the world, acceptance gives us hope, and a sense of worth.

You are a perfect work of art!  You exist because you have a great purpose. your value was determined by The Creator, not your neighbor, your Ex, or “that group of women” at work or in the church. You were not created to be sport for any man, so make today the day you RISE UP and stop living like an old shoe!   You are not worthless! You are attractive, and useful!

If you continue to tell yourself you’re never going to find the right one for you, you never will. If you are determined to believe that you aren’t qualified for a promotion or a better life, you’ll never be motivated to pursue anything. If you keep saying your whole life feels like one big rejection, you will only feel more rejected. Essentially, you have rejected yourself.

Conversely, if you speak words of life and acceptance to yourself, you will feel capable, empowered, and accepted in spite of the opinions of others.  Not everyone is going to like you, want you, care about you, or appreciate your worth, no matter what you do. That is also part of the human experience.  Some people just don’t like anyone who is not them because they believe they are the epitome of beauty, intelligence, and status. No matter what you do, you will always be less able, less attractive, less worthy, less likeable, less everything. It’s not you – its’ them!  Don’t let their insecurities rob you of the joy meant for you!  Not everyone can see your value, because they are trying so hard to make you see how your life is better because of them. You cannot make someone love you, but you have the power to become someone who can be loved.  You can be the person someone else wants to hire and be around.

Don’t rehearse the hurt.

See it as a new start.

Move on to something new.

Take time to improve yourself and keep it moving.

Not every venture is going to be successful. Not every date is going to lead to a second or third. Learn from your failures, don’t get angry or depressed. Life is hard, and rejection is likely, but your worth is not in the opinions of others. Whatever is meant to be, will be.

Surround yourself with positive people, plan positive experiences, make great memories and live knowing you are strong enough, good enough, smart enough and valuable enough!

 

Be Good, Be Gracious – Be A Blessing to Someone Today!

Shaunna

 

 

 

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Change Your Labels

 

(Luke 6:37 ) “Judge not, and you will not be judged; condemn not, and you will not be condemned; forgive, and you will be forgiven;”neverallowanyone-11

 

 

This world is full of all kinds of people, places, things, and ideas…, and with all that comes labels and judgement. We (all of us) are very good at judging things and people and finding no fault in ourselves. We love to make up reasons why people and things are the way they are, while making excuses for our own misbehaving and thoughtlessness. We label everyone except ourselves and if labeled long enough, people start to believe those labels no matter how untrue. I was there, I believed all the nasty things a person was telling me, and saying about me, and it made me question my worth and my purpose. But scripture and Godly connections,  reminded me that I am NOT what those particular labels said, I started to make changes in my life, befriended people who spoke life to me and encouraged me, and gave me different labels;  (Proverbs 18:21) “Death and life are in the power of the tongue: and they that love it shall eat the fruit thereof.”

I want to encourage you to change your labels to see things and people (including yourself) differently no matter how unlovely. Let your reward be good and sweet for the good you speak to and of other people.

I recently took a personality test – another way to label oneself – but I was curious to see how much my personality label has changed over time—it hasn’t;  in case you’re wondering, according to this test I’m an INFJ-T.  Some co-workers and I were talking about astrological signs, and as much as I’ve never viewed astrology as having much credibility, I am resolved to admit that I am very much what my sign says I am. My astrological sign and my personality assessmentafford me a label that is often, and understandably, misunderstood and so I am labeled in an attempt to make sense of my differences and idiosyncrasies. That’s how we get labels; lack of understanding and appreciation for something or someone.  In my opinion, the most boring sport to watch on television is golf.  I’ve never seen it live, but I can only assume that it’s even less exciting to stand and watch it happening. I’ve labeled it “boring,” because I don’t understand it, and don’t really want to take the time to learn.

That’s how we are with people. We see someone and can’t figure out why they do the things they do. They do things we don’t like or understand, they look a certain way that doesn’t match our ideals, preferences and taste, they like things we find uninteresting and beneath us … and so we perch ourselves on our pedestals and start tossing out labels…  you don’t do enough and it’s not my way –YOU ARE WORTHLESS/ you don’t dress or wear your hair like me – YOU ARE UGLY AND OLD FASHIONED / you weigh more than me – YOU ARE FAT/  you can’t read as well as I can – YOU ARE STUPID / you don’t think like I do about the world and current events – YOU ARE UNEDUCATED/ you don’t fight back – YOU’RE A WIMP/ you don’t make as much money and don’t have as many things as I do – YOU ARE A FAILURE/ you don’t believe what I believe – YOU ARE NOT AS GOOD A PERSON AS I AM … and we go on and on labeling people.

We do this because we all want to feel better about ourselves, and refuse to acknowledge our own insecurities.  But, the moment our target turns on us and labels us as mean, condescending, manipulative, uppity bullies, we have a problem. Instead of saying, “I did do those things, and called those names, and made that person feel some kind of way,” we get self-righteous and add to our negative list of labels.

We live in a time when people are desperate for love, affection, and affirmation and there is plenty out there, we are just going about it the wrong way. Love does not come from stomping on our neighbor’s self-esteem or discrediting their accomplishments and aspirations. Negating a person’s value and resorting to gossip, backstabbing, bullying, and abuse does not really make you look better, it simply makes you look all the more desperate for love and approval.

EVERYONE has value, no matter how much you dislike them or how little you care about them.  We cannot exist and not exist at the same time, and no one was created for the purpose of doing nothing. Everything that exists is meant for specific purposes, and if those purposes seem out of place to you, it’s probably because it has nothing to do with you. Things are not always going to make sense, and not all people are meant for you to know.  I am not liked by everyone, but It’s not my obligation to become more valuable to you so you like me more, it is my hope that you find it your obligation to withhold judgment, acquire new perspectives, and look for the good, and in so doing, you find and appreciate my value.  

My purpose and your purpose were created for certain times, certain people, and certain circumstances; in other words, we are not all meant to go the same way, in the same way, at the same time. Look around you, that person you’re laughing at, ignoring, disrespecting, mocking, and putting down may be the person you need to rely on at some point in the future. How do you want them to remember you?

Respecting someone is taking the time to get to know them. Challenge yourself: over the next 7 days to identify 2 people you don’t know well, but have decided you don’t like, and make an effort to get to know them. You may be surprised at what you learn.

Lastly, don’t live up to labels that put you down. If you don’t like what you are hearing about you, and you know it’s true, change it.

Philippians 4:8

“Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.”

 

Be good, be gracious, and be a blessing to someone today!

Shaunna J.

“Don’t bully me, believe in me. Don’t backstab me, back me up. Don’t label me – listen to me.” SJackson   ————————————————————————

 

Other personality tests:

Meyers-Briggs with Feedback

Humanmetrics

GOD – Emergency Response or Loss Prevention

It never ceases to intrigue me how quick people are to ignore,remove, and condemn prayer every time someone wants to pray before a ball game, or a meeting — and then when something tragic happens and Pray-Any-Waythe enemy attacks, the same people are just as quick to promote the very thing they don’t want us doing even on good days.

We need to understand that God isn’t just a problem solver; the leader of the Emergency Response Team;  he is a problem preventer; the Captain of the Loss Prevention Team – he wants to hear from us and help us BEFORE the enemy attacks, before the game, before the meeting, before the conversation, before the rehearsal, before the day starts…that’s how we keep the enemy from coming in an messing things up.   The enemy hates prayer, and backs away from those he knows are covered with prayer. Are you covered?

“Pray continually,” (I Thess. 5:17) even when things are good.

 

Be good, be gracious, and be a blessing to someone today (pray for them).

Shaunna

 

Stop Defending Yourself!

This post is your official authorization to stop defending yesterday and stop defending the truth!   There is nothing you or anyone else can do about days gone by, and if you know the truth about something and someone is trying to make a case against you, stand firm; the truth needs no defense. If you are the one trying to make someone pay for something over and over because YOU can’t get over it…get over it. In the end, there is NOTHING to be gained by making someone feel bad, or threatening to expose someone else’s dirt (especially if it is linked to your own). I am praying for us all, the oppressed and the oppressors to let go, and move on.

Let God fight for you instead.
Let God fight for you instead.

Someone recently told me, (in self-defense), that grace keeps records of wrong – LAUGH OUT LOUD! No It Doesn’t! That statement and thought contradict grace altogether. The only reason people collect offenses and wrong doings is so they have something to bring up against another in the future should they themselves come under scrutiny or attack; it is intended to hurt someone in the future.

The Word of God says, “My grace is sufficient for you,” 2 Corinthians 12:9. If grace keeps records of wrongs for the purpose of holding them against me at a later date, God’s grace is not good enough for me, meaning God in all his glory is not good enough for me; I don’t want any part of that kind of grace. God’s grace is not sneaky and conniving, wicked or oppressive. Grace says, I’m not going to remember, and I’m not going to mention it again or talk about things I never witnessed and really know nothing out.” Fortunately, the God kind of grace does not work alone, it comes with mercy. Mercy says, “I’m not going to make you pay over and over for whatever yesterday was.”   The Word of God also promises new mercies every morning (Lamentations 3:22-23). Remember that as believers, our strength and purpose are in CHRIST, not any man or woman. GOD already chose grace and mercy for you – a clean slate, and he will turn your situation around for your good, in the name of Jesus! Walk in HIS truth, it’s the only word that matters.

You don’t have to keep answering for yesterday, and you are not alone in trying to escape the person who can’t let yesterday go. I too know people who like to collect offenses and bits and pieces of truths to weave lies and accusations. What you are experiencing is not unique to you. There are many people, insecure, immature people whose only defense is to dig up yesterday and create tall tales; they create stories that they eventually convince themselves are true (and just happened) to make themselves feel better. Before you get too comfortable agreeing with me, remember that God loves them too, and wants what is best for them too. Pray for them instead of defending yourself against them. God will fight for you while you keep quiet. (Exodus 14:14 – “The Lord will fight for you, and you shall hold your peace”).

And let me tell you, if someone is using the past to somehow manipulate or control you, disguised as love and good intentions, or as some twisted attempt to change you into the person THEY desire, that person is not seeking good for you. Anyone who purposely sets out to hurt you tomorrow, or at some undefined point in the future is not your friend and does not mean well; LOVE DOES NOT KEEP RECORDS OF WRONGS!  Keep praying, God will either move you, or move in the situation. Consequently, If you know you did something you shouldn’t have done, own it; repent, and move on. You don’t have to keep apologizing or defending yourself over and over. Your life doesn’t end just because you get misguided, or tempted, or distracted, or even disinterested. Get back on track, forgive and keep going in the direction of YOUR purpose. The enemy wants you to be hung up on things of old, that is how he intends to infect your mind with sadness, regret, and depression, etc. to control your next moves. Ask God to help you forgive, and to help that person forget yesterday and release the desire to keep you in bondage with tangled realities, and their own unforgiveness.

Lastly, stop defending the truth. If you know the truth of a matter concerning you, and someone is determined to make it a lie, you have nothing to worry about; the truth stands even if no one believes it. It is the spirit of guilt and regret that spends its time with blaming and shaming. Some people are so determined to keep focus off their own faults and issues, that they will do anything and everything to transfer the focus onto someone else; pray for them, and keep moving! If that is you, pray for yourself and I will be praying for you too.

  • Let God order your steps.
  • Pray consistently for change.
  • Just be quiet.
  • Observe.
  • Seek to understand.
  • Tell your side only to those who are godly enough to ask and listen in good faith.

All will be well with us, in the name of Jesus!

Peace be unto you!

 

Shaunna J.

Shaunna is an inspirational author and currently serves as the Pastor of RCCG Grace Chapel in Waldorf, MD. She writes to encourage, enlighten, and empower nations to embrace the word of God as their standard of living to live in peace and victory. More from Shaunna at SPEAK Ministries.

Don’t Kill My Confidence!

Look at the picture again…those words were scratched into a rock in the Grand Canyon. His trip proved to be impossible for him; the challenges of the journey wearied him. The way was rough, disappointing, and hopeless.

Don't let someone else's failure keep you from fulfilling destiny.
Don’t let someone else’s failure keep you from fulfilling destiny.

But he wasn’t the last to make the journey. Many have rafted down the Colorado River that runs through the Canyon far beyond the point of this inscription.

I want to encourage someone today to move past the negative.  There will always be a person, or a team of people who think you will never get past their unrealized dreams or their failures.  Don’t let the fact that someone else failed, never tried, or gave up keep you from pressing on. You were created for excellence, greatness and success! Let another’s lack of determination, faith and confidence inspire you to go farther and reach for more.

Get Into Life!

ode-to-joyI love this picture not just because it’s cute, but because it reminded me of how we should approach life sometimes.  Not only should we put our faces in the things that bring us joy, (yes, even the little things), but our whole being should follow.  Enjoy life to the fullest. Immerse yourself in beautiful things and wonderful places.   Take it all in.  You will be glad you did.

Be gracious, be careful, and be a blessing to someone today,

Shaunna