You Are NOT an Old Shoe!

(Overcoming Feelings of Rejection)

Have you ever felt like you who you are, isn’t good enough for anyone? Are you tired of relationships that don’t work and leave you feeling lost and confused? Are you feeling used, and now forgotten…like a dirty, broken shoe?

images We have all been rejected at some point in our lives, and it doesn’t feel good. Sometimes we don’t know why, which feels even worse, but it’s not a death sentence. We don’t qualify for every job, or relationship, or opportunity, that’s the reality of life, and that is why there is so much out there. There is something or someone right for you too.  On the other hand, there are a lot of broken people in the world; a lot of people carrying around past hurts and disappointments using rejection as a way to feel more powerful and be more popular, or get farther ahead etc.  Don’t lose yourself caring about someone who doesn’t mind losing you, or something never meant for you.

Healing can happen if you let it. It doesn’t come the day you decide you want a divorce. It doesn’t come the minute you find out you didn’t get the job. Rejection is one of the worst feelings of the human experience. Over time, fMRI studies have shown that the areas of the brain that become activated when we experience rejection, are the same areas activated when we experience physical pain. This is why rejection hurts our feelings so much. We are actually experiencing pain! [Psychology Today]   Many people don’t move on for a year or two – or more if ever –  after a divorce. Applying to jobs after six rejections letters doesn’t happen the same day. No one wants to be the one the one that wasn’t chosen. No one wants to be the shoe tossed in the corner unnoticed and unwanted. Rejection is not the end of the world, acceptance gives us hope, and a sense of worth.

You are a perfect work of art!  You exist because you have a great purpose. your value was determined by The Creator, not your neighbor, your Ex, or “that group of women” at work or in the church. You were not created to be sport for any man, so make today the day you RISE UP and stop living like an old shoe!   You are not worthless! You are attractive, and useful!

If you continue to tell yourself you’re never going to find the right one for you, you never will. If you are determined to believe that you aren’t qualified for a promotion or a better life, you’ll never be motivated to pursue anything. If you keep saying your whole life feels like one big rejection, you will only feel more rejected. Essentially, you have rejected yourself.

Conversely, if you speak words of life and acceptance to yourself, you will feel capable, empowered, and accepted in spite of the opinions of others.  Not everyone is going to like you, want you, care about you, or appreciate your worth, no matter what you do. That is also part of the human experience.  Some people just don’t like anyone who is not them because they believe they are the epitome of beauty, intelligence, and status. No matter what you do, you will always be less able, less attractive, less worthy, less likeable, less everything. It’s not you – its’ them!  Don’t let their insecurities rob you of the joy meant for you!  Not everyone can see your value, because they are trying so hard to make you see how your life is better because of them. You cannot make someone love you, but you have the power to become someone who can be loved.  You can be the person someone else wants to hire and be around.

Don’t rehearse the hurt.

See it as a new start.

Move on to something new.

Take time to improve yourself and keep it moving.

Not every venture is going to be successful. Not every date is going to lead to a second or third. Learn from your failures, don’t get angry or depressed. Life is hard, and rejection is likely, but your worth is not in the opinions of others. Whatever is meant to be, will be.

Surround yourself with positive people, plan positive experiences, make great memories and live knowing you are strong enough, good enough, smart enough and valuable enough!

 

Be Good, Be Gracious – Be A Blessing to Someone Today!

Shaunna

 

 

 

6 Ways to Deal with Self-Doubt

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“I’m not good enough.” “I’ll never make it,

“She’ll never be interested in me.”  “No one will notice me anyway.”

 “I’m not qualified.”


Sound familiar? That persistent convincing voice that derails a perfectly good mood and seems more likely than the truth.  Day after day we talk ourselves out of going farther, doing better, or rising higher. We set our eyes on something (or someone) and then spend the rest of our days talking ourselves out of that very thing.  Relationships don’t happen because we convince ourselves that something about us is too wrong for them.  We don’t apply for jobs because we only have 19 of the 20 bullet points. We miss opportunities because of DOUBT.

We are our worst critic, but thankfully, we are not meant to live this life alone. There are people around who will speak life and wellness into us, at least those are the people you ought to have in your circle of influence. Those people will help you see and accept that you ARE capable, and you ARE worthy.  You have spent enough time beating yourself up, and believe me, I too am guilty of talking down about and to myself even when I KNOW those things are not true of me.  Here are six ways to start speaking well and feeling better about YOU:

  1. Remember that your thoughts are just thoughts, they can be changed. You would not choose to constantly berate the friend of someone you care about, would you? No, you would speak well of them, or at least say nothing if you can’t say something nice (because that’s what mom and grandma taught us). You are someone whom someone else cares about.   Change how you talk about yourself.  Tell yourself that you will be OK at that networking event; you will find someone who loves you just the way you are; you are likeable; you will lose the weight… get the job…and you WILL be successful.  
  2. Remind yourself that the past is the past. Whatever mistakes or setbacks you had, that was yesterday, acknowledge them, do what you need to do to right wrongs if you can, and move on. You are not obligated to spend the rest of your life indebted to someone else’s thoughts and opinions. You cannot undo what is done. Leave it alone and move on.
  3. Talk it out or journal. Bottled up thoughts become toxic distortions or the truth. Simply talking about what’s on your mind, or writing them out can help you see how exaggerated your thinking can be.
  4. Work on yourself. If you know for certain you are not qualified, take the necessary steps to enhance your skills and level of experience.
  5. Give yourself a break. You are awesome! You were created for good, and good will come to you.  Your mistakes or failures do not define you. Most people will not put that much weight on what you did or said. If they are mature, considerate people they’ll get over it .  Don’t spend the rest of your life beating yourself up one moment or season in your life – LET. IT. GO!  Learn from where you were, and keep it moving.
  6. Draw energy from others. Doubt wants to isolate you, so defy it. Connect yourself with people who will empower and encourage you to stay positive and focused.

You ARE good enough! 

“Be good, be gracious, and be a blessing to someone today.”

~Shaunna 

PRAY for Me

“Pray for me.”

Those are words many of us have uttered when we just don’t have words to express how we’re doing that day. Instead of being a mere dismissal of information, it’s an actual request, often out of desperation, or a last resort.  

When someone says “pray for me,” that’s all they want; not the insistence that all will be well, or to hear someone say, “keep your chin up, ‘this too shall pass’.”  A simple prayer request is not an invitation to get ultra-spiritual with  flowery, poetic sentiment. People want just a moment of your time when you remember them in prayer.  Scolding, judging, and digging for more details to make yourself feel better, doesn’t help anyone, ever.  You don’t have to know everything, and it’s not supposed to make sense to you. God knows the details, and that is all that matters.anguish

Just pray; because when someone says that to you, that is the ONLY thing you can do for them right then. 

Just pray; God will take it from there.

 

Be good, be gracious, and be a blessing to someone.

Shaunna J.

Submit a prayer request

 

Is Your Struggle Beyond Your ABILITY to Pray?

iH3_QIEMPhilippians 4:6; “Don’t fret or worry. Instead of worrying, pray. Let petitions and praises shape your worries into prayers, letting God know your concerns. Before you know it, a sense of God’s wholeness, everything coming together for good, will come and settle you down. It’s wonderful what happens when Christ displaces worry at the center of your life.

We go through a lot of things in life; we meet a lot of challenges, and face many disappointments. We chase after the wrong things and find ourselves on the wrong side of progress…  Welcome to the human experience! There is not one among us who isn’t going to be angered, disappointed, cheated, wronged, overlooked or is going to do everything right.

So, you are going through somethings right now; I want you to answer the question I asked above, is your circumstance beyond your ability to pray?

I am not asking is it beyond your desire to pray. The truth is, nothing is beyond your ABILITY to pray unless you are not alive. If you can talk about your situation, or cry about it, or worry about it, you can pray about it.

God does really hear every prayer, and receives every praise. No matter what your life looks like right now do those two things, PRAY AND PRAISE. Even if your prayer is, “God, I don’t know how to pray,” he understands that. That’s where the Holy Spirit comes in and helps out.   When you are at your wits end, when you are burned out, bitter, tired of dead ends, when none of your words are right, the Holy Spirit has the right words, and the right answer- PRAY for help. When nothing about going forward seems worth it, PRAY. God will help you see value in your circumstance, if even to just draw YOU closer to him. God never wastes a struggle. Sometimes the solution to the problem we face, is the change God is trying to make in US, not someone or something else. (That revelation made me pause for a second too!)

There is nothing too hard for God, not even your situation. There is no problem too big for God, not even yours, but while you are sitting there trying to figure out how things went so wrong, or why you cant seem to create the change you want to see, remember that the change, the blessing, the breakthrough, the elevation and promotion come AFTER you pray. It is not your job to change people. It is not your business to hold all the answers. It will never be up to you to control all things. It IS up to you to PRAY if you want true victory in your situation. The God of Armies (Jehovah Sabaoth), the God who desires to fight for you, wants to hear from you today. He is a healer, he is a helper, he is a peacemaker, he is a provider, he is a protector, he is a way maker, he is a burden lifter, he is a yoke destroyer…Yes, there IS power in the name JESUS to break every chain!

Will you stop now and pray?

It’s Pruning Season!

It’s pruning season and what better tool to use than the Word of God. If you are wandering what step to take next to prepare for 2015, how to do better, go farther, and grow stronger, you may need to do some pruning first. I write about this almost every year, because it is something that has become an annual event for me. This is the time of year when I sit down to pray about goals for next year, and evaluate the things and relationships I currently have. This is the time of year when I take a good honest look at what is helping me advance and prosper, what is holding me back, who is adding value to my life and my walk with the Lord, and what relationships are more of a burden and not a blessing in my life.

What dead, ugly, destructive thing is still a part of your life? It's time to cut it off!
It’s time to remove the dead things in your life.

That last piece may seem harsh, but I have come to a point in my life where my relationships must be meaningful, and beneficial. Not everyone is supposed to be in our lives forever, and some people in our lives ought not be there at all. Understand me on this, there are many people who would prefer to be stuck in their rut. They want to complain about their lives and the world, and while they ask for advice, they’d rather stay where they are because grieving their situation is more comfortable than making the effort to make changes. People in bad relationships justify staying by saying they can’t imagine their life without this person so they’d rather be miserable than be alone.
People engaged in destructive behaviors use the same excuse, they cannot live without alcohol, or smoking even though they know it is not healthy or in any way beneficial.

Perhaps what has kept you tangled and bound this year is your attitude. You cannot find the strength to be happy for someone who is getting the things you have been praying about. Maybe you went through a painful experience and cannot seem to get beyond the disappointment. There is help for all of us, no matter what negative, toxic destructive thing is within us.

God’s Word is perfect and sharp so all of the unwanted, undesirable branches of distraction, disappointment, diversion and delay can be cut off without harming us Hebrews 4:12 For the word of God is alive and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart.

All living things need attention and care if they are to flourish and become beautiful. Many plants and trees require pruning to become all they can be, but before we prune, we need to have to have some expectation of the end result. How do you want your life to look? What do you desire for yourself?

It’s time to start pruning. It is important to use the right tool for the right situation. Something of significant size will work for large obstacles, but they are not good for smaller younger situations. For example, if you just met someone who has a jealous spirit, gently excuse yourself from that relationship. If you just started something destructive such as smoking, quitting will be easier for you now, walk away before more serious treatment programs are needed. If you just started a relationship that is already uncomfortable and the people around you are not supportive, use wisdom and move on. If it has been a while that you’ve known someone or dealt with a certain situation, you may have to just make a clean break. Don’t fight it, get help. Find someone who will hold you accountable for making a sharp turn and not let you turn back. Partner with someone who will pray with you while you go through the process. Get back to church and Study with Word for yourself, your future depends on it.

Don’t be discouraged. Before we can stand before the Lord and serve him in holiness, we have to be clean. This process might leave you feeling empty, or incomplete for a little while, but think of the shrub that is pruned and looks a little bare, before long, after it has gone through this trial of being cut away, cut back, it is full, and lush, and beautiful. Your life too will feel different, but if you truly want to grow, and become prosperous in all areas of your life, you have to let some things go. It is through the pruning process that God develops us and his strength in us. This is the process by which he molds us with the details of his own character, and the when we begin to take on more of his likeness, we are in the best shape to serve him for eternity, never to visit the hard, disappointing, destructive things of yesterday.

Praise the name of Jesus!

Be good, be careful, and be a blessing to someone today.

Have You Lost Your Joy?

Perhaps it’s because of what you are saying. Did you know that you are limiting your joy by complaining all the time? Life is hard and frustrations are frequent, but I want to encourage you to stop telling everyone about how hard life is. Stop talking about how bad someone is making you feel. You are in charge of you until you give other things and people power to determine your feelings , your worth , or your destiny.

Your negative words give the enemy more and more power to manipulate you and keep you feeling everything but positive about your situation. Instead of complaining to anyone who will listen to you and join you in your self pity, speak words of life over your situation . Thank God for healthy children. Call your broken or bruised marriage healed and whole in the name of Jesus! Your job frustrations are not there to break you but to help you recognize your worth and move you in a new direction toward satisfaction. Say to yourself , I AM NOT MY CIRCUMSTANCE AND EVERYTHING IS SUBJECT TO CHANGE!

My parents always told us that if we can’t say something nice , don’t say anything at all. Use that instruction and apply it to your life. If you can’t say anything nice about your boss, your, church, your spouse, etc., say nothing at all. Don’t lose your joy by losing control of your mouth.

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Be good, be careful, and be a blessing to someone today.

God bless you!

Shaunna

The Reason That Person Doesn’t Change…

… is because it is not within your power to change someone’s heart. “For it is God which worketh in you both to will and to do of His good pleasure” (Philippians 2:13).  The God who formed us, is the only one who can change us and he does not work according to our schedule of demands.

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Many an argument has been waged in futility because we have convinced ourselves that the habits and annoyances of other people are within our control. Certainly there are things we can say or do that may curb or extinguish a certain behavior, but it requires God to search the heart and make the desired changes last. Often times, we see results but they are short-lived because a real change of heart has not occurred. Most often, people do it our way for the purpose of shutting us up, but all of the nagging, and insulting, and put downs will not change a person for good. In fact our words will only serve to harden the heart because we’ve just sparked resentment in the other person and resentment breeds anger… and now the stage is set for more relationship destroyers.

 Many people may truly WANT to change, but find it hard. Again, that is because God is the only one strong enough to turn a hard heart to a heart of flesh. We need to call on the power and might of God to help. He shall call upon me, and I will answer him: I will be with him in trouble; I will deliver him, and honour him,(Psalm 91:15). If someone is always on you about a certain behavior, and you want to change, call on God and he will help you. If someone you are close to, someone in whom you desire to see changes, (for example: children or a spouse) understand that constantly badgering them about what irritates or hurts you only causes them to harden their heart. Call on the Lord and he will help you.

 When you stop making it about your own discomfort and take it to the Lord in prayer, you will find peace.  Just because you don’t like something about someone else, doesn’t mean they see it has something wrong, Every way of a man is right in his own eyes: but the LORD pondereth the hearts.” (Proverbs 21:2).  All of us are flawed individuals and God will not remove everything from the other person to make us happy. What he will do is change our own hearts to be less selfish, and more accepting.

  It is God’s pleasure to redeem us. He wants to see marriages restored, and children saved. It may take time, but God will answer you. Let God do his job in HIS way in HIS time, “The Lord is not slow in keeping his promise, as some understand slowness. Instead he is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance.” 2 Peter 3:9    Inasmuch as God has been patient with you, be patient with that person. Pray for them and ask God for the grace to be a source of support and encouragement. Ephesians 4:15 says, “Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will grow to become in every respect the mature body of him who is the head, that is, Christ.” Call him, he will hear you, and he will help you.

May God bless you richly, in Jesus’ name!