6 Ways to Deal with Self-Doubt

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“I’m not good enough.” “I’ll never make it,

“She’ll never be interested in me.”  “No one will notice me anyway.”

 “I’m not qualified.”


Sound familiar? That persistent convincing voice that derails a perfectly good mood and seems more likely than the truth.  Day after day we talk ourselves out of going farther, doing better, or rising higher. We set our eyes on something (or someone) and then spend the rest of our days talking ourselves out of that very thing.  Relationships don’t happen because we convince ourselves that something about us is too wrong for them.  We don’t apply for jobs because we only have 19 of the 20 bullet points. We miss opportunities because of DOUBT.

We are our worst critic, but thankfully, we are not meant to live this life alone. There are people around who will speak life and wellness into us, at least those are the people you ought to have in your circle of influence. Those people will help you see and accept that you ARE capable, and you ARE worthy.  You have spent enough time beating yourself up, and believe me, I too am guilty of talking down about and to myself even when I KNOW those things are not true of me.  Here are six ways to start speaking well and feeling better about YOU:

  1. Remember that your thoughts are just thoughts, they can be changed. You would not choose to constantly berate the friend of someone you care about, would you? No, you would speak well of them, or at least say nothing if you can’t say something nice (because that’s what mom and grandma taught us). You are someone whom someone else cares about.   Change how you talk about yourself.  Tell yourself that you will be OK at that networking event; you will find someone who loves you just the way you are; you are likeable; you will lose the weight… get the job…and you WILL be successful.  
  2. Remind yourself that the past is the past. Whatever mistakes or setbacks you had, that was yesterday, acknowledge them, do what you need to do to right wrongs if you can, and move on. You are not obligated to spend the rest of your life indebted to someone else’s thoughts and opinions. You cannot undo what is done. Leave it alone and move on.
  3. Talk it out or journal. Bottled up thoughts become toxic distortions or the truth. Simply talking about what’s on your mind, or writing them out can help you see how exaggerated your thinking can be.
  4. Work on yourself. If you know for certain you are not qualified, take the necessary steps to enhance your skills and level of experience.
  5. Give yourself a break. You are awesome! You were created for good, and good will come to you.  Your mistakes or failures do not define you. Most people will not put that much weight on what you did or said. If they are mature, considerate people they’ll get over it .  Don’t spend the rest of your life beating yourself up one moment or season in your life – LET. IT. GO!  Learn from where you were, and keep it moving.
  6. Draw energy from others. Doubt wants to isolate you, so defy it. Connect yourself with people who will empower and encourage you to stay positive and focused.

You ARE good enough! 

“Be good, be gracious, and be a blessing to someone today.”

~Shaunna 

Change Your Labels

 

(Luke 6:37 ) “Judge not, and you will not be judged; condemn not, and you will not be condemned; forgive, and you will be forgiven;”neverallowanyone-11

 

 

This world is full of all kinds of people, places, things, and ideas…, and with all that comes labels and judgement. We (all of us) are very good at judging things and people and finding no fault in ourselves. We love to make up reasons why people and things are the way they are, while making excuses for our own misbehaving and thoughtlessness. We label everyone except ourselves and if labeled long enough, people start to believe those labels no matter how untrue. I was there, I believed all the nasty things a person was telling me, and saying about me, and it made me question my worth and my purpose. But scripture and Godly connections,  reminded me that I am NOT what those particular labels said, I started to make changes in my life, befriended people who spoke life to me and encouraged me, and gave me different labels;  (Proverbs 18:21) “Death and life are in the power of the tongue: and they that love it shall eat the fruit thereof.”

I want to encourage you to change your labels to see things and people (including yourself) differently no matter how unlovely. Let your reward be good and sweet for the good you speak to and of other people.

I recently took a personality test – another way to label oneself – but I was curious to see how much my personality label has changed over time—it hasn’t;  in case you’re wondering, according to this test I’m an INFJ-T.  Some co-workers and I were talking about astrological signs, and as much as I’ve never viewed astrology as having much credibility, I am resolved to admit that I am very much what my sign says I am. My astrological sign and my personality assessmentafford me a label that is often, and understandably, misunderstood and so I am labeled in an attempt to make sense of my differences and idiosyncrasies. That’s how we get labels; lack of understanding and appreciation for something or someone.  In my opinion, the most boring sport to watch on television is golf.  I’ve never seen it live, but I can only assume that it’s even less exciting to stand and watch it happening. I’ve labeled it “boring,” because I don’t understand it, and don’t really want to take the time to learn.

That’s how we are with people. We see someone and can’t figure out why they do the things they do. They do things we don’t like or understand, they look a certain way that doesn’t match our ideals, preferences and taste, they like things we find uninteresting and beneath us … and so we perch ourselves on our pedestals and start tossing out labels…  you don’t do enough and it’s not my way –YOU ARE WORTHLESS/ you don’t dress or wear your hair like me – YOU ARE UGLY AND OLD FASHIONED / you weigh more than me – YOU ARE FAT/  you can’t read as well as I can – YOU ARE STUPID / you don’t think like I do about the world and current events – YOU ARE UNEDUCATED/ you don’t fight back – YOU’RE A WIMP/ you don’t make as much money and don’t have as many things as I do – YOU ARE A FAILURE/ you don’t believe what I believe – YOU ARE NOT AS GOOD A PERSON AS I AM … and we go on and on labeling people.

We do this because we all want to feel better about ourselves, and refuse to acknowledge our own insecurities.  But, the moment our target turns on us and labels us as mean, condescending, manipulative, uppity bullies, we have a problem. Instead of saying, “I did do those things, and called those names, and made that person feel some kind of way,” we get self-righteous and add to our negative list of labels.

We live in a time when people are desperate for love, affection, and affirmation and there is plenty out there, we are just going about it the wrong way. Love does not come from stomping on our neighbor’s self-esteem or discrediting their accomplishments and aspirations. Negating a person’s value and resorting to gossip, backstabbing, bullying, and abuse does not really make you look better, it simply makes you look all the more desperate for love and approval.

EVERYONE has value, no matter how much you dislike them or how little you care about them.  We cannot exist and not exist at the same time, and no one was created for the purpose of doing nothing. Everything that exists is meant for specific purposes, and if those purposes seem out of place to you, it’s probably because it has nothing to do with you. Things are not always going to make sense, and not all people are meant for you to know.  I am not liked by everyone, but It’s not my obligation to become more valuable to you so you like me more, it is my hope that you find it your obligation to withhold judgment, acquire new perspectives, and look for the good, and in so doing, you find and appreciate my value.  

My purpose and your purpose were created for certain times, certain people, and certain circumstances; in other words, we are not all meant to go the same way, in the same way, at the same time. Look around you, that person you’re laughing at, ignoring, disrespecting, mocking, and putting down may be the person you need to rely on at some point in the future. How do you want them to remember you?

Respecting someone is taking the time to get to know them. Challenge yourself: over the next 7 days to identify 2 people you don’t know well, but have decided you don’t like, and make an effort to get to know them. You may be surprised at what you learn.

Lastly, don’t live up to labels that put you down. If you don’t like what you are hearing about you, and you know it’s true, change it.

Philippians 4:8

“Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.”

 

Be good, be gracious, and be a blessing to someone today!

Shaunna J.

“Don’t bully me, believe in me. Don’t backstab me, back me up. Don’t label me – listen to me.” SJackson   ————————————————————————

 

Other personality tests:

Meyers-Briggs with Feedback

Humanmetrics

PRAY for Me

“Pray for me.”

Those are words many of us have uttered when we just don’t have words to express how we’re doing that day. Instead of being a mere dismissal of information, it’s an actual request, often out of desperation, or a last resort.  

When someone says “pray for me,” that’s all they want; not the insistence that all will be well, or to hear someone say, “keep your chin up, ‘this too shall pass’.”  A simple prayer request is not an invitation to get ultra-spiritual with  flowery, poetic sentiment. People want just a moment of your time when you remember them in prayer.  Scolding, judging, and digging for more details to make yourself feel better, doesn’t help anyone, ever.  You don’t have to know everything, and it’s not supposed to make sense to you. God knows the details, and that is all that matters.anguish

Just pray; because when someone says that to you, that is the ONLY thing you can do for them right then. 

Just pray; God will take it from there.

 

Be good, be gracious, and be a blessing to someone.

Shaunna J.

Submit a prayer request

 

GOD – Emergency Response or Loss Prevention

It never ceases to intrigue me how quick people are to ignore,remove, and condemn prayer every time someone wants to pray before a ball game, or a meeting — and then when something tragic happens and Pray-Any-Waythe enemy attacks, the same people are just as quick to promote the very thing they don’t want us doing even on good days.

We need to understand that God isn’t just a problem solver; the leader of the Emergency Response Team;  he is a problem preventer; the Captain of the Loss Prevention Team – he wants to hear from us and help us BEFORE the enemy attacks, before the game, before the meeting, before the conversation, before the rehearsal, before the day starts…that’s how we keep the enemy from coming in an messing things up.   The enemy hates prayer, and backs away from those he knows are covered with prayer. Are you covered?

“Pray continually,” (I Thess. 5:17) even when things are good.

 

Be good, be gracious, and be a blessing to someone today (pray for them).

Shaunna